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Wednesday, 19 June 2013

History Repeats

Here is a strange epiphany I had on the way home from my initial counselling support session at Open Road Drug and Alcohol Centre. I realised how the same mistakes are being made again and again and how behaviour is learned and how I need to break the cycle.

Six-seven years ago while my husband and I were still together but clearly not happy, we went to a few marriage counselling sessions. After the first few sessions our counsellor phoned me during one day that she was concerned about our case so went to get advice from her manager. They wanted me to come in alone to discuss their concerns. Due to the amount of pent up anger and hostility our counsellor detected in my husband, as well as the incidences with him and our son, the professional opinion was that they were concerned for my safety and our son's safety and what would happen if my husband can no longer contain his anger. This conversation was the catalyst in me gaining the courage to tell my husband to leave.

Now I am sitting with a counsellor and we are discussing the situation at home with my son. My son, probably because of his age and his drug usage, can not contain his anger and his anger seems to be increasing. Ironically the same words were coming out of this woman's mouth that I heard years ago from a different woman. "I am really concerned for you and I will need to speak to my manager about this". She did say that she can not tell me what to do and she does not want to sway me in one way or another, but I need to think about my safety and my daughters' safety but realises that since it is my child we are talking about it makes it a much more difficult position to be in.

Later that day, this counsellor phones me and said that she spoke to her bosses and they are concerned!
It is such a weird feeling of deja vu, talk about history repeating itself! Why can't history repeat the good stuff???

The counsellor told me that she also called the social worker because she wants to know what help has been put into place for me and my children. All he could say, repeatedly, is that he advised me to call the police if my son ever behaves in a threatening manner. I informed her that the social worker had already phoned me and we had words over this perception that the only form of help they can offer me is to phone the police. He went as far as to say that if it can not be evidenced that I have protected my younger by calling the police on my eldest child that I will be seen in the eyes of the law as NOT protecting my children and I will be in the wrong.

I took a deep breath and made my point clear to Mr Emotionless Social Worker, that they are not offering me help but just saying, phone the police. It is a vicious circle because if I phone the police my son will either run or after they leave or the next time he is provoked he will be even angrier, making our situation worse. Calling the police is not a real solution in my point of view. It does not solve any problems. And the social worker more or less agreed with that but also said that I have to demonstrate to social services that I am indeed protecting my younger children and the only way of demonstrating that is by having it documented that I have in fact called the police out on my oldest child....who in all likelihood will either not be present when the police arrive or be calm and rational with them. And at the end of the day, my son will not be removed and he will still be living with us regardless of the police coming out. Not a real solution.

Back to the conversation with the counsellor I saw. When she phoned to tell me that she had spoken to her manager and the social worker, she told me that since social services are keen to have the police out and she knows that I am very hesitant because he is my son, she said that perhaps a good way to satisfy social services and more importantly give my son a little wake up call is for their organisation to make a report to the police that they are concerned about a potentially dangerous situation at home. The police would call me up and we would agree when they would come out and speak to my son, inform him on matters to do with his aggressive behaviour toward me and also do a welfare assessment. I actually agreed to that and I have been walking on eggshells ever since because that was 20 hours ago and I have not heard anything yet, but I feel they will be phoning me today!

My son does not know about this yet. I saw him for only a couple of hours yesterday and the atmosphere quickly turns argumentative and defensive so my daughters and I went upstairs. He has gone to bed this morning so more than likely will sleep all and when can I have a rational conversation with him about what is about to happen?

The shit will be hitting the fan soon....but then what?