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Thursday, 6 June 2013

D Day

Today is our "Children in Need" meeting with the Social Worker, representatives from both of my daughter's schools, my older daughter's counsellor, my son's Key Worker from the Drug Recovery Clinic, my son (hopefully) and myself.

Apparently, though deemed as a children in need meeting, they will be discussing the issues with my son and how he needs to engage in the services offered to him and if he wants to stay in the family home there are certain actions he must follow through on. It is recommended that he attend the meeting, though not mandatory, so that he can witness for himself the level of concern that his behaviour has created and that he needs to hear how his behaviour is seen as harmful to his younger sisters (thus a children in need issue) and that he hears the consequences so that hopefully he can take some responsibility and ownership and start to move forward.

You know what? I am not sure I want him in the family home any longer.

Last night he finally got out of bed at 9 pm. All I heard for hours is "where is my letter". For those of you who read yesterday's blog posts you know he was waiting for his drug "ETIZOLAM", which did arrive but I put it in the outside bin and insisted I did not know where it could be. So at 11 pm I had had enough and thought I am not going to listen to his constant repetitive questions, "Why wasn't it delivered?", "Do you have it?", "What am I going to do?", "If you have it you are going to regret it". Then he checked the tracking number on the computer and knew it had been delivered, but I continued to plead ignorance. When I got up to go to bed my son came over to me in a very aggressive manner, blocked my way, nudged me and then hit me with a cushion a few times. I saw such rage in his eyes, I knew he was capable of hurting me. I went upstairs to my bed and tried to barricade my door shut so that he could not come in during the night.

Somehow on further investigation on the postal tracking website, he ascertained that his "letter" was indeed delivered and signed for by S Mansfield!!! He came charging into my room at 12:30 am and pushed the barricade I had made with such ease, showing that his anger had giving him great physical strength. He shouted violently at me saying he knew I signed for it, he found "proof" on the computer. He demanded to know what I had done with it. All the while my youngest child was fast asleep next to me in my bed. I was scared. I told him I put it in the bin outside. He charged out shouting obscenities at me all the way. I could here him going outside and searching through the garbage. Then all was quiet and calm.

This morning he was still up, another night of no sleep. I ignored him. I can't look at him any more without being reminded that he is capable of hurting me if pushed far enough. He acts like nothing happened last night. When he starts asking me in a very casual manner about the meeting today, I explained that the social worker thinks it would be beneficial for him to hear what is being discussed, especially if he wishes to remain in the family home. I told him that after last night, I most definitely do not want him to remain in the family home. His attitude changes, and he begins to tell me "don't start". Again the demands start and the pointing responsibility at me that it is "my job" to wake him up in time to get ready for the meeting.
"No", I tell him, " it is all in your hands. I will tell you when we need to leave, it is up to you to make sure you are ready at that time. I did not tell you to stay up all night. I did not tell you to go to sleep an hour before you need to be getting ready. It is all in your hands and if you want to be informed as to what is being discussed about you and your family and what the professionals want you to do to start 'fixing' the situation, than you will make sure you are ready to go to this meeting ON TIME!"

If anyone out there has a kid living at home and is in the early stages of drug taking, take action and don't think that with compassion and understanding you can offer your child help and support alone. By all means be all those things, but also insist on intense drug rehabilitation if there is any indication your child can not or will not give up the drugs on his own. Get him into rehab if they are under 18, but still be supportive and understanding. I wish I would have.