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Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Brick Wall

I realise I have lost my son when I hear statements like, "I have given up the one thing I LOVE the most in life!"
Though he hasn't "given up" what he loves most, it hurts me to think, OPIUM is what my son loves so much in his life.

He is nothing like he use to be. He is not the child I loved and raised. He is not the man I expected him to be. In fact I do not even consider him to be a man. A man is strong and loving and responsible. It is heartbreaking as a mother to talk about her son like this!

Guess what arrived in the post today? A small bag of powder called "ETIZOLAM". Bought on the internet!

I will be disposing of this of course (as I have done many times) and what ever rage ensues, so be it! Is this really the behaviour of someone who is "trying hard" to start a new life???? Hmmmm, I do not think so.

I have told the Job Centre that I am having a hard time looking for work and making that my focus when I have an 18 year old son at home with substance abuse problems and a barrage of appointments. They were very sympathetic and made a referral to another agency to get me some support and help. I also met up with a friend who happens to work in social services for some personal advise.

My son had an appointment today as well with his key worker at the drug clinic and he also needed to pick up a new prescription.

In the last three nights, my son has had 5 hours of sleep. His new theory or technique is that if people don't want him to sleep all day, he just wont go to bed! So, knowing he had an appointment at 12 pm, also knowing it was his choice not to go to sleep last night, or the night before, he decides at 9:15 to go to bed. I left the house at 9:30 and before doing so went to tell my son he needs to get to his appointment. He was only snoozing at that point and we had a short discussion.

Was it a rational discussion about his appointment? NO. It was a discussion based around his demand to leave some money to pay for the methadone. I told my son to use his own money. He doesn't have any more. Well then , "you should not have been buying all that beer lately so you would have money for your "medicine"". "I have not drunk that much". "Go look in the recycling". "Hmmm, yeah ok, I have". "OK good bye"!
Walking into town I get txt messages from my son.
"How am I suppose to get to my appointment? I don't have money for the bus and you didn't leave any money. And why didn't you take the car?"
"Well, it is a nice sunny day, I thought I would enjoy walking into town. I suggest you do the same".
He responds, "Don't you think I would be a little too tired to walk after 2 or 3 days of no sleep!!!!!????" I don't reply.
That was at nearly 10 am. At 11:30 I call my son to see if he is ready to go to his appointment. No answer. 30 attempts at phoning! I later come home. He is fast asleep. I go to remind him he had an appointment today and he will have no prescription for today. "arrrggh" is the only response as he can barely open his eyes. He will be out cold now for the rest of the day. He will be furious when he wakes up. He will blame me of course. He will want money to go and buy codeine or ask me to buy it for him. NO WAY BOY!

What is worse is that if he misses any more appointments they will discharge him from their services because he has messed about too many times.

Is this the behaviour of someone who is trying hard?????
Am I being harsh or too lenient with him?

What can I do?

Every time I go and tell a professional or a non professional about our situation, the first question they ask is "What is your son doing? Is he working? Is he going to seek out the services available?" No, he is not.

I am hitting my head against a brick wall here, and I am doing so pointlessly.

Tomorrow we have our lovely meeting with all the professionals involved with offering our family support. It has to do with how the substance abusive and the dysfunctional relationships within the family are affecting my younger children, because my son is technically an adult and should be responsible for himself, while I am responsible for my under 18 children.

How I am dreading that meeting as well as what the future has to offer.

Any thoughts?

Any comments?

I would love some feedback.