15 Minutes of Fame

Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone will be world famous for 15 minutes. Do you now what, I have not been world famous, but we have had our share of local fame and I do not like it! We have been in the news AGAIN and I am quite disturbed how easily these so called "journalists" can twist facts until they are in fact spreading lies!

                           

This is all following my son's court hearing in which he pleaded guilty to the charges. So what sort of silliness appears in the papers? "Local teen pleads guilty to drug factory charges", and comparing him to the film "The Wolf of Wall Street"...yeah right!!!!

When a so called "friend" txted my son that he is in the news, my son was so upset and had no where else to turn but to me. He stopped by unexpectedly, much to the dismay of my daughters, but we managed to have a chat. The poor guy broke down in tears because he is tired of all this and just wanted it to all be over and done with. Yet, he is well aware that it will never really be since people have labelled him and singled him out in our community. He is also aware that in the future when looking for employment, when a Google check is made on him, these news items will continue to pop up.

So that was a few weeks ago and we had to wait for the next sentencing hearing and of course the next, and last, opportunity for the press to put our story in the local papers. What no one realises, by no one I mean the strangers reading the papers and the journalists themselves, is that the feelings the lies and misinformation evoke in my son (as in anyone in the same situation) is so upsetting that he had to make himself feel better. How does an addict make themselves feel better? Oh, yes, by taking more drugs! I understand why, to remove themselves from the outside world and to feel better and manage day to day existence. So we waited for sentencing and my son took what he could, drank what he could and tried to hide in his haze while he waited.

                                                                

My son was not in a good way.  I decided to take him to the parole office for his pre sentencing report appointment. Each time he was intoxicated so I made a point of telling him that I do not agree with his behaviour therefore I will not be supporting him in his appointment since I do not want it to appear that I condone his behaviour. This happened on the first occasion and then on the second occasion, he had no memory of the first, but again, I told him that I will be sitting in and supporting him, though he did want me to. The third occasion was a good few weeks later after sentencing when he had to attend a parole appoint, he sadly had no memory of ever being there, that was how intoxicated he was on the prior two visits. It is also a testimony how long term alcohol and drug use destroys the memory.

The day we have been waiting for since Oct 3rd finally came, the sentencing hearing on July 9. It took nine months of various turmoil and anxiety and stress and worry from his arrest to find out the punishment he would receive. Three different occasions of being in the local press, various levels of drug use, finally accepting that my son had to leave, my son's homelessness, hospitalization, moving to supported housing, fear of eviction, poverty,a roller coaster of emotions....so much happened within those nine months, and all the time the fear of the unknown future for my son loomed over our heads. It was a very difficult time, but we have survived and in some ways even progressed.

                                

Court, as usual, was a very long day. This day at court was the longest though, we were there from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm! No need to complain about that though, because we were so very fortunate to be heard in front an excellent judge. To make a very long story short, my son sat in the dock nodding off since he was self medicating throughout the day. We had the support of our Family Solutions worker and of course my son's solicitor, both very lovely women who are very good what they do. My son did not receive a custodial sentence, he has a 1 year community order (probation), 6 months DRR (drug rehabilitation requirement) and 100 hours of unpaid work as well as monthly reviews in front of the judge and the judge requested that he be the judge he sees as he would like to follow my son's progress.

The reporters were in the courtroom and one waited around outside the court house for us. My son this time did not run away from the reporter, he finally had his say, "I am glad it is all over". Yes we most certainly are, though it is not over, in some respects it is just starting as far as his recovery, the saga of the courtroom drama and the fear of the unknown of what will happen in court is finally over!

                                

We had a nice two page spread in the newspaper, and this time he was referred to as Breaking Bad Jr, this was the first article that had the sole purpose of sensationalising the evil local drug factory criminal mind of a local teenager! It was a reasonable in many respects, though there were a few "yeah right"moments when I read it!

This chapter has ended! Let us hope the next chapter will be more positive and less trying. My son made big mistakes, but as the judge clearly saw, he is not a criminal who is a danger to society, he is a young man with serious issues which need addressing with support and rehabilitation which will, hopefully, move him forward and remove the need to self medicate regardless of the consequences.

So we have had our moment of being infamous in my opinion, but maybe my son will still have his real 15 minutes of fame for an experience sparked by a positive event or contribution!


                                       
                                                           

The Good and The Bad of It

Well, court hearing was a formality I guess and nothing more as it was referred to Crown Court. More waiting and then more worrying closer to the time. We will have to wait until June 9th and I have been told not to expect a resolution then , as the case will probably be "sent away for reports", meaning that my son will be assessed by parole officers and drug rehabilitation workers etc and their reports will go back to court.



I was pleased when our first hearing last Friday was to be heard at Magistrates Court since that is usually for lesser offences and lesser punishments; however, now we are going to Crown and there are two ways to look at it. First we can worry that the prosecution is playing up the seriousness of the case, the amount of time and money that was put into the investigation and therefore  the punishment should be severe, or we can view it in a way that since the Crown Court is where very serious crimes are heard i.e. murders, rapes, assaults, burglary etc, perhaps the judge will view this clearly as a less serious case and treat it as such.

For those who may not be familiar with the differences between the two types of courts, here is a link explaining about Crown Court:

http://www.judiciary.gov.uk/you-and-the-judiciary/going-to-court/crown-court

To explain more about the magistrates here is another link that might be helpful:

http://www.judiciary.gov.uk/you-and-the-judiciary/going-to-court/magistrates-court

There is little point in worrying about the differences between the courts, as it has been decided and so be it, Crown Crown it will be! My hope is still for the best possible outcome for my son, but now I also hope that I will not be called upon as a witness! In case some of you have not been following my blog that long, this all has to do with an incident in which I took a variety of chemicals to a drug clinic on the understanding that they would dispose of it safely for me. Things did not go according to plan and in the end there was a huge news item about a "chemical leak" and possible "drug manufacturing". Our home was over taken by police and we had to evacuate for two days while my son was in police custody. There  was indeed a large amount of chemicals removed from my home as well as drugs which resulted in the recent 9 charges brought against my son.

I wrote about it all in these blog entries:

http://livingwithmydrugabusingteenager.blogspot.co.uk/2013_10_01_archive.html

And also here:

http://livingwithmydrugabusingteenager.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/drug-crime-is-drama.html

Hopefully now everyone is up to speed and has a better understanding what all the fuss with the police and courts is all about.

We seem to be attracting interest from the press again, in the run up to the court hearing it was mentioned in the local news, radio, bbc teletxt, etc. While in court the press from our local paper was there and in fact even attempted to get a photo after we exited the court and after his failed attempt, the reporter followed my son and I around until we got to the town centre and lost him! I hope and pray that he did fail in getting a photograph of my son, because it will only serve as a trigger for more anxiety and anger from my son. I do not think he has realised that his name and where he now lives has already been publicised on the internet news! I have never revealed my son's name in my blog and the previous news items were always regarding a young teenage man...now it takes on a different atmosphere that will be too close for comfort for my son's liking!

Moving on though to some more positive aspects of the day.

Considering the early time we had to be in court (9:00 a.m.), I was pleased that my son was awake and managed to get nicely dressed in his shirt, tie and blazer along with the new trousers and shoes I had bought him earlier in the week, Though he was gently drinking his cider in the morning to calm his nerves, he did not get intoxicated nor did he take any drugs. We got to the court on time and there was no fuss from him at all, no irritability or lashing out. He listened and spoke to the solicitor and when it was time to stand up in front of the court, he was clear and articulate.

After he calmed down regarding the reporter outside, we spent the rest of the day together (about 6 hours including the court). We walked around, we looked in shops, I bought him his favourite Nando's chicken for lunch, took him to his flat to change and took him back into town. My son was not argumentative or defensive at all during the entire course of the day. Despite that we started off the day not knowing what the day will hold, it turned out to be some nice time spent together.



As a side not I will mention that his father did not turn up at court, though he had told our son earlier in the week that he would "try". He did phone later in the day and during the conversation asked our son, "Do you see much of your mother?"
How absurd! How does that man think our son with no money for a bus and a horrible track record of walking up on time and attending appointments on time, fathom that he would make it to the court on his own by 9 a.m.? I was glad to hear that my son said, "yes, she is here with me now". Later that day, and subsequently the next day as well, my son told me that if it were not for me he would have no one who would help him. What a sad realization for our son that his father never returned the police officer's phone calls during the original arrest and that he did not turn up to court either and when I suggest asking his father for help he says he knows he wont. However, it is also a very positive realization for my son that there is someone who will always be there for him and I hope that one day he will also understand why I made the decisions I did.

As my family may be slightly broken and our lives still not quite as we may like it, but at least I am teaching my children what it means to be a parent, what it means not to give up, what it means to believe tomorrow will be better and that there is always hope. My daughter may not have any desire to see her brother at the moment and indeed she thinks that will never change, but I hope that she is seeing that I am still trying to help him because I know he is worth it, as a mother who loves and believes in ALL her children. Hopefully she will also see that I made some decisions with her best interest at heart and that even now I respect her feelings even if it may make me sad. I hope all my children see how much we have all been through and we are still basically O.K., and despite all our struggles and all the heart ache and without any family besides us, we are not only surviving, we are thriving in some respects. My son is standing on his own two feet and he did not crumble. It has been three months since he is no longer at home and he has seen his circumstances change dramatically and often. Yet he is doing just fine even though he is facing so many difficult situations because of his addiction. We may not all be gathering around the family dinner table every Sunday, but my son and I do speak nearly every day and see each other quite regularly. My daughters are getting happier and more relaxed. My older daughter is excelling academically and her parent's evening was enough to make me cry with pride when I heard all the remarkable statements made by her teachers. (None of whom have any idea to the challenges she has faced at home). My youngest is always happy and a pure joy. I have trained to be a mentor and have also started my Facebook page for families of addiction, I will be speaking about my blog to a support group and I am growing as a writer through this blog. There have been some positive movement forward despite all the struggles and complexities and obstacles and having all the responsibilities on my shoulders alone.

                         

I am sure there will be many more hard times and difficult moments to get through and my son may go further downhill before he starts climbing up again. My family and home and troubles will still be here tomorrow but so is my love and my strength and my desire to make things better and my hope in a bright future for us all. I hope all of you can hold on and believe in your brighter future too!

Hospital, Drugs, Court and Sunny Sundays....Just a Normal Week!

A saga is defined as:  a long complicated series of related, usually negative events. Well it seems life for my family has been a saga!  Having experienced my son's drug problems and all the chaos it brought into our lives, as well as having police in my home on more than one occasion, the police investigation, making my first born child homeless, and now having had him in hospital for a grand mal seizure due to drugs or alcohol we are now faced with his charges and his court date. The saga is just that, a saga. That is just one part of our sage. Do sagas ever end though? If so, do they ever end well?

                           

My son was in hospital for 2 days after suffering a seizure at a "friend's" house and having had the paramedics take him to ER. According to my son this seizure was due to alcohol withdrawal. I am dubious whether it was indeed from alcohol withdrawal or from something else. I do not know if I will ever know. Sadly, I was not notified of my son's admission into the hospital until nearly 24 hours after his seizure. When my son was being discharged I offered to collect him from the hospital not only for his safety and well being but also to give me the opportunity to  speak to staff at the hospital for myself and ascertain what had happened to my son and what they advice. Unfortunately, even after spending 3 hours at the hospital I was unable to get any information at all!

Monday my son and I had contact. Tues I was meant to call him, but did not feel up to it. Tues evening he had a seizure. Wed I phoned, first time no answer, second time we spoke and he told me he was in hospital. Thursday I picked him up and took him for lunch and took him home. Friday I visited him and the post delivered his police charges. Today, I txted him twice, no response so a short phone call revealed he is fine and with his new "friends" and not at home. He is alive! I am tired! Life goes on.

I have always known that my son is compromising his health and his life, I am still so aware of it and now it seems to becoming more apparent to others and maybe even to himself. He knows he could have died, but it still did not make him want to stop. He has finally admitted to me that the last 3-4 years he has never been completely clean from everything...this I knew and I was always so annoyed when he said he was! He says he is always safe, but that is a false sense of security. He is back on the poppies and his "friends" are alcoholics and drug users using a variety of things but mainly the so called "legal highs", crack, heroin, prescription meds, morphine....The so called friend who he stays with often had the nerve to be txting me after I had found out my son was in hospital about how worried she is about him that he is going to die if he does not stop this and that needs to get into a recovery program. Hell-lo honey, I know that, thank you! Get yourself sorted too!

Now before I get into the mind frame of having a go at these so called "friends" (who have been brilliant, by the way, and done so much more for him than I have according to my son) lets move on to the next issue we are faced with : the police charges!

Now mind you, I have absolutely no experience with police investigations, charges, criminal court etc, so this is all new to me and I do not know how to react since I have nothing to compare it to. I do not know if the charges are excessive or not, it the type of court we are going to is good or not and I certainly have no idea what to expect in terms of the punishment the court will set for him. I am very much in the dark here as to how to react or gauge it all.

My son has been charged with 9 separate charges:

• Production of a Class B drug Methaqualone
• Possession of a Class B drug Amphetamine
• Possession of a Class B drug Cannabis
• Possession of a Class B drug JWH-018
• Possession of a Class B drug JWH-073
• Possession of a Calss B drug JWH-250
• Possession of a Class A drug Acetylpsilocin
• Possession of a Class A drug DMT
• Possession of a Class C drug Medazepam (1 tablet)

                                                

Now I am sure many of you are not familiar with most of these drugs, my son is not your typically drug user. Most Americans will remember the term Quaaludes, that is the first on the list. The JWH drugs are the so called "Legal Highs" that use to be legal but are no longer legal! They are synthetic forms of cannabinoids used for smoking.

If anyone is interested in more information one these here are some links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/JWH-018

http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=86290

https://www.erowid.org/chemicals/spice_product/spice_product_law.shtml

Next on the list is Acetylpsilocin, that is a synthetic pschoatic drug.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/O-Acetylpsilocin

https://www.erowid.org/chemicals/4_acetoxy_dmt/4_acetoxy_dmt.shtml

DMT is similar and is:  "N,N-Dimethyltryptamine is a psychedelic compound of the tryptamine family. When ingested, DMT acts as an intense hallucinogenic drug." 

http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showwiki.php?title=DMT


                                   

The last on the list is actually quite humorous in that it is one pill, one lousy pill! It is according to Wikipedia:

Medazepam is a drug that is a benzodiazepine derivative. It possesses anxiolytic, anticonvulsant, sedative, and skeletal muscle relaxant properties.

It is known by the following brand names: Nobrium, Rudotel, Raporan, Ansilan and Mezapam.^[1] Medazepam is a long-acting benzodiazepine drug. The half-life of medazepam is 36 – 200 hours.

So, these are the charges. Court is in two weeks, March 21 at 9:00 am at the Magistrates court, not Crown Court, which from what I can tell can possibly be a good thing.

A magistrates' court is a lower court, where all the criminal proceedings start. Also some civil matters are decided here, namely family proceedings. They have been streamlined to swiftly and cheaply deliver justice. There are over 360 magistrates' courts in England and Wales.

Summary offences are smaller crimes, that can be punished under the magistrates' court's limited sentencing powers – community sentences, fines, short custodial sentences. Indictable offences, on the other hand, are serious crimes (rape, murder); if an initial hearing at the magistrates' court finds there is a case to answer, they are committed to (passed on to) the Crown Court, which has a much wider range of punishment. Either-way offences will ultimately fall into one of the previous categories depending on how serious the particular crime in question is.

Cases are heard by a district judge (magistrates' courts) or by a bench of three magistrates (lay judges); there is no jury at a magistrates' court. Criminal cases are usually (although not exclusively) investigated by the police and then prosecuted at the court by the Crown Prosecution Service. The defendant may hire a solicitor (or barrister) to represent him, often paid for by the state.

There are magistrates' courts in other common-law jurisdictions.

                   

Of course my son is now wishing he would have died when he had the seizure because he is certain they will send him to prison, I still cling on to the hope that they will not. I am hoping for a DRR (drug rehabilitation requirement) though it would be forced upon him and not his choice, it may serve him some good, though I know that many people reading this may believe that prison would do him some good.

So life carries on, my son is living his life and living it on his own now but I am still very much a part of his life and worry. I live my life with my perfected smile to the outside world and try to make plans for the future and take care of myself and my daughters. I do the things I need to do, sometimes still burying my head in the sand and procrastinating but never the less I try.

I hope for a better tomorrow, that is my hope every day. I want nothing more for my son to be healthy and safe and recovering,  living a different life. I hope that my girls will not follow our family and will not create their own sagas, I want them to set themselves free of our dysfunctions and our negative learned behaviours and be self confidant and positive in their successful lives. I also hope for some happy carefree days for myself before I get too old!

Tomorrow I shall make phone calls and try to get as much advise as possible for court and talk to my son in the upcoming days until court to try to keep him positive and as sober as possible. I will take him shopping for clothes and shoes to look presentable in court. I will support him as much as I can and continue to hope for the most positive outcome that a situation like this can have.

                   

However, today is Sunday and the sun if finally shining and there are no clouds in the sky and the temperatures are slightly higher. I will go for a nice long walk with my two wonderful and beautiful daughters, not thinking about what is wrong or lacking in my life but rather focusing on what is right. I will cook a delicious Sunday meal, this time some good old fashioned Hungarian comfort food instead of a roast and I will sit at the table with my girls and we will eat and I will drink a glass of wine and we will laugh and be as merry as we can be!

Drug Crime is Drama.

We were the center of attention in October 2013. We thought such attention and drama would have huge repercussions. The waiting and unknowing of what the consequences for my son and my family would be was unbearable in the beginning.

                         

We had to wait for Nov 20th for my son to be questioned a second time after the police investigation. Nov 20th came and went without a bang because the police needed more time to investigate such a "serious incident". The interview was postponed until Jan 2, 2014. More waiting.

So much time passing, you forget how much of a drama the "incident" was. It is strange to look back now and see how many images of my home were being blasted on every type of news media. Even on Flicker! They ranged from major news stories (BBC for example) to our local news reports. I am reminded of the horror, the invasion, the violation, the humiliation, yet as we waited to see what drama the police were going to be throwing at us as punishment,  seemed to get further and further away and less significant.

Here are a few of many news reports. So many images of my home surrounded by police,  tents, people in special safety suits,  fire engines etc.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-24378914

http://www.essexchronicle.co.uk/UPDATE-Chelmsford-chemical-leak-Man-arrested/story-19881718-detail/story.html

http://www.flickr.com/photos/stuart166axe/10075344225/in/photostream/

http://www.essex-fire.gov.uk/incidents/18043/

http://www.itv.com/news/anglia/update/2013-10-03/arrest-after-chemical-incident-in-chelmsford/

http://www.theenquirer.co.uk/read.aspx%20id=12616

Now here we are Jan 3, 2014. My son was re-interviewed yesterday by the police now that they have completed their investigation and forensics. My son was at the police station for 4-5 hours. No information after those hours as of yet have been relayed to me. All I know is that now they will decide how to charge him, They will  post  the charge! If he does not get his charge by March 13th then he will need to reappear at the police station to get his charge! More waiting.

I am sure that once the charge is made, there will be a court date. I am also sure that after the charge is made, we will have to wait again before we are told when the court date will be. Once we get the date, we will have to wait for that date!

Wait, wait, wait. It does not seem to equate with the amount of drama, publicity and expense that was put into the "incident". I hope that at the end of this long waiting period my son does not just get a slap on the wrist.  Don't get me wrong, I do not want him to go to prison. I would like him to get a DRR (Drug Rehabilitation Requirement) even though he might resist engaging fully so little benefit might be gained. However, I do not want him to get off lightly for his own good because I do not want my son to get the message that what he did was somehow OK and no serious consequences resulted. This may only encourage him to do the same crimes again.

                              

My Day in Court

Well as I have mentioned in previous posts, a great concern of mine recently was my upcoming court date regarding the repossession of our home.



When it became abundantly clear that the father of my three children, really did not have any intention on preventing his children becoming homeless, I realised I needed to do what I could...and QUICKLY!

My aunt in Hungary even attempted to contact the grandparents. They said nothing even resembling concern for their grandchildren possible eviction of their family home, and in fact said they have had no contact with their own son for two years now so it is out of their hands.

I worried more than I thought possible. I discovered a fear I have not felt before. I had people saying that perhaps this could work to my advantage and losing the house may be a blessing in disguise. I would after all loose the last material connection to my ex husband. I could move and leave the memories and the burdens behind....move once we got accommodation in a council house and living in emergency shelters in the meantime! No, I do not have the strength or the desire to do that now and the stress of it all would have been overwhelming given all our other stresses!

So, I began making even more copious amounts of phone calls, visiting advice centres, sending documents etc. I also took out money from the bank every time I received any money, stashing it away, so it would not be spent. This of course meant no gas in the car, another visit to the food bank, not spending at all except for the bills being paid. I took almost half of my child maintenance money out knowing we would continue to eat plain pasta or rice for another few weeks. It would be worth it if I could manage to keep our home!

I also hounded the Department of Work and Pensions to stress that my application for financial assistance simply must be finalised BEFORE my court date. Despite all the complaints people make toward dealing with government agencies, I always spoke to nice people and on Friday, the last working day before my Monday morning court date, I had a wonderfully helpful woman who actually phoned me regarding my application. It seems the decision on my application could not be made without completing a supplementary form! However, this helpful woman, understanding the urgency of my predicament, got the form up on her computer, asked me the questions and typed them in. She said they would call me back in an hour with their decision. They actually did call me back in an hour with a positive outcome! Obviously, I would not have the confirmation letter to produce in court, but I would have relevant information such as the amount which will be paid, when the payments will start being made to the lender, and the date the claim will cover from. I was tremendously relieved!

I then rushed to the bank and made a payment of half the mortgage arrears. I received my receipt and rushed home to make more phone calls.

I called the mortgage company and told them about the outcome of the application for financial assistance as well as my payment toward half the arrears. Then I called the mortgage company's solicitor and explained to them the latest developments as well. They said there might no longer be a need to go to court, the will confer with the bank and phone me back.....My heart stopped. I hoped and prayed! I crossed everything I could possibly cross! I so desperately did not want to go to court! Could this even be possible? Will I be spared going to court??? Unfortunately not! Court would need to go ahead, but I was somehow not so worried about the outcome. Ironically, I was more terrified of having to be in the same space as my ex husband while he would glare at me and make me feel stupid and useless.

I asked a friend to attend court with me to give me moral support, as well as knowing that if I was not alone my ex husband would not approach me, yet if I was on my own he would and do his best to intimidate me and make me feel like crying!



Much to my relief, but also to his own damage, he did not appear in court!

I asked to speak to the solicitor representing the bank and we had a positive discussion of what I have managed to put into place. He said I showed good faith and that along with the financial assistance I would now be receiving the remaining arrears would be paid off in a few short months.

Thankfully the judge was extremely fair and sympathetic. He actually questioned if we had to proceed but the bank was firm that it was more to do with the length of time I was "ignoring" the problems concerning the mortgage.

The judge respected my devotion to my children and how I lost track of all other matters. He wished me luck with the problems with my son, he reminded me not to neglect the mortgage again, and then he suspended the possession order!



Both  the solicitor and the judge were unimpressed by my ex husband, a teacher in a senior position in a Catholic girls school,  being irresponsible in respect to his parental responsibility to maintain the safety of his children. However, at the end of the day, that was not the concern of the court on that day, it was the mortgage. Since we are both named on the mortgage, we are jointly liable, and if one party refuses to cooperate, the bank can do nothing except pursue the other party.

To be honest, I was happy, even though it was not a HUGE success story, my day in court did mean that I managed to keep us in our home without the help of the grandparents or my ex husband!  I was seen as the responsible party in the eyes of the law!  I was the one showing good faith.  I was the one protecting my children. And above all, I did not have to see my ex husband....HAPPY DAY!