Hospital, Drugs, Court and Sunny Sundays....Just a Normal Week!

A saga is defined as:  a long complicated series of related, usually negative events. Well it seems life for my family has been a saga!  Having experienced my son's drug problems and all the chaos it brought into our lives, as well as having police in my home on more than one occasion, the police investigation, making my first born child homeless, and now having had him in hospital for a grand mal seizure due to drugs or alcohol we are now faced with his charges and his court date. The saga is just that, a saga. That is just one part of our sage. Do sagas ever end though? If so, do they ever end well?

                           

My son was in hospital for 2 days after suffering a seizure at a "friend's" house and having had the paramedics take him to ER. According to my son this seizure was due to alcohol withdrawal. I am dubious whether it was indeed from alcohol withdrawal or from something else. I do not know if I will ever know. Sadly, I was not notified of my son's admission into the hospital until nearly 24 hours after his seizure. When my son was being discharged I offered to collect him from the hospital not only for his safety and well being but also to give me the opportunity to  speak to staff at the hospital for myself and ascertain what had happened to my son and what they advice. Unfortunately, even after spending 3 hours at the hospital I was unable to get any information at all!

Monday my son and I had contact. Tues I was meant to call him, but did not feel up to it. Tues evening he had a seizure. Wed I phoned, first time no answer, second time we spoke and he told me he was in hospital. Thursday I picked him up and took him for lunch and took him home. Friday I visited him and the post delivered his police charges. Today, I txted him twice, no response so a short phone call revealed he is fine and with his new "friends" and not at home. He is alive! I am tired! Life goes on.

I have always known that my son is compromising his health and his life, I am still so aware of it and now it seems to becoming more apparent to others and maybe even to himself. He knows he could have died, but it still did not make him want to stop. He has finally admitted to me that the last 3-4 years he has never been completely clean from everything...this I knew and I was always so annoyed when he said he was! He says he is always safe, but that is a false sense of security. He is back on the poppies and his "friends" are alcoholics and drug users using a variety of things but mainly the so called "legal highs", crack, heroin, prescription meds, morphine....The so called friend who he stays with often had the nerve to be txting me after I had found out my son was in hospital about how worried she is about him that he is going to die if he does not stop this and that needs to get into a recovery program. Hell-lo honey, I know that, thank you! Get yourself sorted too!

Now before I get into the mind frame of having a go at these so called "friends" (who have been brilliant, by the way, and done so much more for him than I have according to my son) lets move on to the next issue we are faced with : the police charges!

Now mind you, I have absolutely no experience with police investigations, charges, criminal court etc, so this is all new to me and I do not know how to react since I have nothing to compare it to. I do not know if the charges are excessive or not, it the type of court we are going to is good or not and I certainly have no idea what to expect in terms of the punishment the court will set for him. I am very much in the dark here as to how to react or gauge it all.

My son has been charged with 9 separate charges:

• Production of a Class B drug Methaqualone
• Possession of a Class B drug Amphetamine
• Possession of a Class B drug Cannabis
• Possession of a Class B drug JWH-018
• Possession of a Class B drug JWH-073
• Possession of a Calss B drug JWH-250
• Possession of a Class A drug Acetylpsilocin
• Possession of a Class A drug DMT
• Possession of a Class C drug Medazepam (1 tablet)

                                                

Now I am sure many of you are not familiar with most of these drugs, my son is not your typically drug user. Most Americans will remember the term Quaaludes, that is the first on the list. The JWH drugs are the so called "Legal Highs" that use to be legal but are no longer legal! They are synthetic forms of cannabinoids used for smoking.

If anyone is interested in more information one these here are some links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/JWH-018

http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=86290

https://www.erowid.org/chemicals/spice_product/spice_product_law.shtml

Next on the list is Acetylpsilocin, that is a synthetic pschoatic drug.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/O-Acetylpsilocin

https://www.erowid.org/chemicals/4_acetoxy_dmt/4_acetoxy_dmt.shtml

DMT is similar and is:  "N,N-Dimethyltryptamine is a psychedelic compound of the tryptamine family. When ingested, DMT acts as an intense hallucinogenic drug." 

http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showwiki.php?title=DMT


                                   

The last on the list is actually quite humorous in that it is one pill, one lousy pill! It is according to Wikipedia:

Medazepam is a drug that is a benzodiazepine derivative. It possesses anxiolytic, anticonvulsant, sedative, and skeletal muscle relaxant properties.

It is known by the following brand names: Nobrium, Rudotel, Raporan, Ansilan and Mezapam.^[1] Medazepam is a long-acting benzodiazepine drug. The half-life of medazepam is 36 – 200 hours.

So, these are the charges. Court is in two weeks, March 21 at 9:00 am at the Magistrates court, not Crown Court, which from what I can tell can possibly be a good thing.

A magistrates' court is a lower court, where all the criminal proceedings start. Also some civil matters are decided here, namely family proceedings. They have been streamlined to swiftly and cheaply deliver justice. There are over 360 magistrates' courts in England and Wales.

Summary offences are smaller crimes, that can be punished under the magistrates' court's limited sentencing powers – community sentences, fines, short custodial sentences. Indictable offences, on the other hand, are serious crimes (rape, murder); if an initial hearing at the magistrates' court finds there is a case to answer, they are committed to (passed on to) the Crown Court, which has a much wider range of punishment. Either-way offences will ultimately fall into one of the previous categories depending on how serious the particular crime in question is.

Cases are heard by a district judge (magistrates' courts) or by a bench of three magistrates (lay judges); there is no jury at a magistrates' court. Criminal cases are usually (although not exclusively) investigated by the police and then prosecuted at the court by the Crown Prosecution Service. The defendant may hire a solicitor (or barrister) to represent him, often paid for by the state.

There are magistrates' courts in other common-law jurisdictions.

                   

Of course my son is now wishing he would have died when he had the seizure because he is certain they will send him to prison, I still cling on to the hope that they will not. I am hoping for a DRR (drug rehabilitation requirement) though it would be forced upon him and not his choice, it may serve him some good, though I know that many people reading this may believe that prison would do him some good.

So life carries on, my son is living his life and living it on his own now but I am still very much a part of his life and worry. I live my life with my perfected smile to the outside world and try to make plans for the future and take care of myself and my daughters. I do the things I need to do, sometimes still burying my head in the sand and procrastinating but never the less I try.

I hope for a better tomorrow, that is my hope every day. I want nothing more for my son to be healthy and safe and recovering,  living a different life. I hope that my girls will not follow our family and will not create their own sagas, I want them to set themselves free of our dysfunctions and our negative learned behaviours and be self confidant and positive in their successful lives. I also hope for some happy carefree days for myself before I get too old!

Tomorrow I shall make phone calls and try to get as much advise as possible for court and talk to my son in the upcoming days until court to try to keep him positive and as sober as possible. I will take him shopping for clothes and shoes to look presentable in court. I will support him as much as I can and continue to hope for the most positive outcome that a situation like this can have.

                   

However, today is Sunday and the sun if finally shining and there are no clouds in the sky and the temperatures are slightly higher. I will go for a nice long walk with my two wonderful and beautiful daughters, not thinking about what is wrong or lacking in my life but rather focusing on what is right. I will cook a delicious Sunday meal, this time some good old fashioned Hungarian comfort food instead of a roast and I will sit at the table with my girls and we will eat and I will drink a glass of wine and we will laugh and be as merry as we can be!

Drug Crime is Drama.

We were the center of attention in October 2013. We thought such attention and drama would have huge repercussions. The waiting and unknowing of what the consequences for my son and my family would be was unbearable in the beginning.

                         

We had to wait for Nov 20th for my son to be questioned a second time after the police investigation. Nov 20th came and went without a bang because the police needed more time to investigate such a "serious incident". The interview was postponed until Jan 2, 2014. More waiting.

So much time passing, you forget how much of a drama the "incident" was. It is strange to look back now and see how many images of my home were being blasted on every type of news media. Even on Flicker! They ranged from major news stories (BBC for example) to our local news reports. I am reminded of the horror, the invasion, the violation, the humiliation, yet as we waited to see what drama the police were going to be throwing at us as punishment,  seemed to get further and further away and less significant.

Here are a few of many news reports. So many images of my home surrounded by police,  tents, people in special safety suits,  fire engines etc.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-24378914

http://www.essexchronicle.co.uk/UPDATE-Chelmsford-chemical-leak-Man-arrested/story-19881718-detail/story.html

http://www.flickr.com/photos/stuart166axe/10075344225/in/photostream/

http://www.essex-fire.gov.uk/incidents/18043/

http://www.itv.com/news/anglia/update/2013-10-03/arrest-after-chemical-incident-in-chelmsford/

http://www.theenquirer.co.uk/read.aspx%20id=12616

Now here we are Jan 3, 2014. My son was re-interviewed yesterday by the police now that they have completed their investigation and forensics. My son was at the police station for 4-5 hours. No information after those hours as of yet have been relayed to me. All I know is that now they will decide how to charge him, They will  post  the charge! If he does not get his charge by March 13th then he will need to reappear at the police station to get his charge! More waiting.

I am sure that once the charge is made, there will be a court date. I am also sure that after the charge is made, we will have to wait again before we are told when the court date will be. Once we get the date, we will have to wait for that date!

Wait, wait, wait. It does not seem to equate with the amount of drama, publicity and expense that was put into the "incident". I hope that at the end of this long waiting period my son does not just get a slap on the wrist.  Don't get me wrong, I do not want him to go to prison. I would like him to get a DRR (Drug Rehabilitation Requirement) even though he might resist engaging fully so little benefit might be gained. However, I do not want him to get off lightly for his own good because I do not want my son to get the message that what he did was somehow OK and no serious consequences resulted. This may only encourage him to do the same crimes again.

                              

Nothing Changes New Year's Day

New Year's Day 2014 is today.

Many people around the world are hung over from too much celebrating the night before. Celebrating a new year with hopes of new beginnings, hoping that this may be the year that something lacking thus far in their lives will find them and fill a void. Resolutions are made by many, resolutions that will soon be forgotten.

                              

Yesterday there were no celebrations in my house. The house and kids were a mess so my agenda was to have something cleaned before the New Year started. After a slow start I  decided to start with our kitty and give him a flea treatment. Since he sleeps with me, I thought I should also change my bedding. Not that was riddled with fleas, but it is better to be safe. Then I showered my youngest. As I brushed and combed her washed hair I discovered she has lice, which shockingly is a common occurrence with British children. OK, that meant dry the hair and put lice treatment on, change her sheets, comb with lice comb, re wash hair! Then I told my other daughter she better check her hair....she thought she was all clear, but eventually found two disgusting creatures in her hair. OK, treatment and thorough coming, wash hair, change sheets! I might as well do mine, to be safe, but later, too much to do! Any one who has been through this ordeal, knows how tedious and time consuming it is!

During all this I am getting phone calls and txts from my son. He had a Dr's appointment and wanted to stop by since the doctor is very near my home. Eventually after lots of toing and froing we agreed that he would stop by but not come inside and collect his benefit letter at the door. Then when I made the suggestion that he could stop by a certain friends house, my son was very quick to inform me that he is no longer welcome there and that it is my fault! Apparently when my son was kicked out of the first homeless shelter for drugs and was looking for places to stay, even if for just one night, this particular friend asked his parents and it was ok until he let it slip to his parents that my son was homeless and why. Upon hearing the truth, this friend's parents said that my son was no longer welcome in their home. So my son started to tell me how this was all my fault, I made him homeless! I tried to explain how it was all his choices that led us here and that the more people that refuse to help him because of his drug addiction, eventually he will learn why and start taking some responsibility to get into recovery.

                              

So, as I was trying to deal with my mess inside with mountains of washing (and no tumble dryer), realizing that time was getting on and that I still needed to get out to the shops since come New Year's Day they will be closed, and still not dressed, my son knocks on the door. Never is anything simple, could we just say our hello's and collect his letter and be on his way? Of course not. Somehow my son started talking, again, of how he needs to have his clothes washed, he wants to bring some stuff by because he has too much to lug around, etc. I noticed that he had new trousers on. The day before he had met with his father who bought him some jeans and a thermal top and gave him £50 and bought him lunch etc. OK great...but I have given him much more and it is never good enough. He tells me how the trousers I gave him for Christmas have already ripped and blah blah blah. Then he contradicts himself by telling me how good he has been living since he is homeless. The shelter feeds him good food, he has been treated to lunches and he is near fast food places. He has been more productive, he is out more etc. As much as I understand that he longs for a relationship with his father and independence is a self satisfying experience, my son seems to want to hurt me with the way he communicates these things to me and always puts in an insult or two for good measure. He not only treats me with gross disrespect, blatantly holds me responsible for EVERY bad thing that has ever happened, he speaks highly of others who do minimal for him and yet is ungrateful and even unaware of how much I have done and still do for him.

                               

I had to try to stand my ground and not emotionally charged and keep the interaction to a minimum, while offering him to come over the following day and then he could also pick up some nicer clothes to wear to the police interview on Jan 2nd. When he continued to wind me up about his father, I succumbed (as I often do) and asked if his father has offered to support him some way on the 2nd. Has he offered to get him to the police or stay with him to give him emotional support? No, because "Dad is going away for a few days ". Lovely! "He can go away if he wants, why not?".

                           

After I shut the door I lost it. The floodgates opened. Why do I have to deal with all the crap? The fleas, the lice, the washing, the cooking/cleaning, punctured tire on my car,  the bills, the debt collectors, lawyers, courts, police, social workers, drugs, chemicals, drug services, suicidal daughter, groups therapy, appointments, mental health services, doctors, school, being on the news, gossip,  shitty comments, lost friendships, unemployment, my son's homelessness, crap from their father, listening, crying, arguments, putting up with the crap, hoping, waiting, wanting to fix it all, and now Christmas and trying to keep it together and keep the magic alive for my youngest......why, why, why???? He CAN GO AWAY? He doesn't have to deal, he can relinquish responsibility and also blame ME for Everything? How the F*** is that right or fair!

Their father lies to the Social Workers and sends me txts such as, "You seem to be ok with the girls not seeing me before Christmas and not getting their presents...?". Disregarding all we have had to deal with lately and that also was my sister was in town for only a few days. He then said he would not see them any other day before the 29th. When that was agreed I said that he could collect the girls across the street from the house, it's easier that way and better for the girls. So I get accused of being difficult and he will not have it. I again caved in to the games and said that I was just trying to put our children's well being first, unlike him. I also asked for a time when the visit would end (so I could plan my day).  So when I read his response, "Great job you have done with our son. When the big hand is on the twelve and the little hand is on the five", well I was in tears and so upset that he could be blaming me on what a great job I have done in raising our son. Hell-lo, he did/does have a father, yet he blames me and me alone? Then he speaks to me like a child regarding the time his visit with our daughters will end? Really!?

It's ok for him to go away whenever and wherever he likes? How about me? This hit me even harder than usual, because a few weeks ago an old lover in France sent me a lovely email about how I need to do something for myself, and get out of "it" for a few days. He wrote me that we could look at the snow on the Alps, drink wine and love one another. For the first time in a long time I felt excited and happy that I can do something for me and it is OK. I deserve to get away for a weekend and recharge my batteries. To feel young and beautiful and worry free. I thought about it, we wrote a few emails and then I started to look at airline tickets and planning in my head who to ask to look after the girls, which friends could they go to , who would look after the cat etc. Long story short, it is not happening and I feel that he may have bailed on me,  I told him when I was thinking of going then it was no longer convenient because he will be away working. No discussion on making other plans and no contact now for a while.  My bubble burst, big time!

                                           

So I am having a rant here, sorry. I just feel like all these little and big incidences boiled up inside of me and I felt like screaming.

Today . New Year's Day. New beginnings. New chances,

I started with playing a board game with my daughters. My youngest has been feeling neglected since so much of my time and attention was always taken away by her brother and his problems, which of course helped build my own problems. When he was getting ready to move out and I explained to her what was happening, I told her that now we could start trying to make things better at home. "So you will play with me more from now on?" was her reaction. I had to say that not right away, but soon, "after Christmas, mummy?". "Maybe, we will see how it goes".



What a better time then to show to my daughters that things will start getting better, playing a game together on New Year's Day. My little girl was thrilled and we enjoyed it!

My son arrived a couple of hours later and it all changed and I realized that it is so very hard to make change happen. Everything soon went pear shaped and the raised voices and arguments and disregard to my wishes were all happening again as if the last 15 days never happened. He left a couple of hours later only to return an hour later (for 10 minutes he said) to collect clothes for tomorrow, That 10 minutes turned into a couple of hours and him getting high/drunk in his room and messing about and wasting time. My daughters were shut away in their room and I was getting so frustrated and disappointed. Eventually I had to tell him that he is no longer welcome in my home unless he agrees to be clean and sober. No more lies. No more manipulation. No more shit! I even told him that because of his behavior that I will not take him to the police in the morning, make his own way and whatever will happen will happen.

                                               

All this is NOT MY FAULT. I am NOT responsible for my son's behavior. I am not responsible for his choices. I will no longer be his scapegoat! This is a new year and I WILL NOT do it anymore.

I will think of making this a happier home for me and my daughters, and I know it will take time. I will find someone who does want to spend time with me and have moments to recharge myself. I will not feel guilty if things go wrong for my son. I will continue to love my son and hope for his light bulb moment which will lead him onto the road of recovery. I will welcome him back when he returns as my son and not a using addict.

New Year, may not seem much different in my house today. Nothing has changed for my son. Nothing has changed within our dysfunctional relationships. The problems and difficulties remain.

Something is different though. No matter how much my buttons get pushed by my ex, or guilt is thrust upon me by my son, or I feel rejected by old lovers, I am not going to let it control me anymore. I will try, little by little, try to make that change and this year will see me becoming more empowered and ultimately happier, whatever the future holds.

At least, this is my goal....today, on New Year's Day 2014!

                               

Crime Scene

Briefly I will say that we have been living an even bigger nightmare these last few days then ever.  A nightmare that surely must end because we do not deserve this living hell.

As some of you may already know, my home was invaded by police,  fire-fighters, and special forensic team. The perimeter around our house and street was taped off by the police. Journalists and tv reporters and gossip mongrels also flocking the scene.

                                 

When the police came and looked around, not only was my son arrested, my daughters and I were forced to leave without packing any belongings.  We left everything, even our kitten, not knowing where to go or how long we would be gone. Luckily I did have a friend to go to who did not live near,  so we could escape.

We were away from Wednesday evening till midday Friday.  My son was in jail for 24 hours and then was let out on bail to sleep rough and walk the streets.

My daughters could not go to school or change clothes. We lost the use of our phones since we had no chargers.  We worried about our kitty but Thursday afternoon I went to demand my cat be released. I stood in the cold rain for half an hour waiting,  no coat on because that was left at home.  I watched the surreal scene that was once my home being turned into s crime drama on tv.

The police found various chemicals and lab equipment as well as drugs. They had to thoroughly search and test things and make sure no dangerous fumes were left in the house before we were allowed to return. My son was questioned and his statement taken. A statement from me was also.  Many questions and lots of things to worry about.

I have not cried so much for a very long time. I broke down in front of many people, strangers who were holding my son's fate and mine,  in there hands. I cried in public and in private.  I cried to my friends while they hugged me. I cried in front of my daughters while they worried but tried to be strong and comforting.

So much has gone on and I have so much to write but its difficult not only because of the emotions and the amount of things I want to discuss,  but it's also difficult since the police seized my laptop as well as my son's computer.

I felt so violated when we returned home. The house was filthy. My grandmother's rug in the hallway was trampled on and muddy, as well as the rest of the house. My laundry was soaked by rain coming into the utility room. A picture  was broken. Huge crane flies, dead ones and live ones had taken over. The back door key was missing. My lingerie drawer was rummaged as my bras were hanging out. My bed was dirty....

So glad I have some kind friends who came to help me clean and took my youngest to school and brought her home so I didn't have to face the looks and questions.

Since this will be an on going investigation to test the chemicals and examine computers and phones etc. my son will need to go back to the police in November for a charge to be made and possibly a court date.

My son seems a bit flippant and not showing too much concern . Unbelievably, my son still does not think he needs to change or respect my house rules. He blames me for my stupidity which resulted in everything getting "f***** up"! He has been rude and mildly aggressive a few times since returning home instead of being remorseful. That is disappointing to say the least.

So the bigger worries now begin. Will he go to prison? Will he want rehabilitation?  Will he continue his behaviour or will this be the catalyst towards change?

What will social services say? How will my daughters be affected?  Will I be seen as an unfit mother?

Has our health been compromised because of these chemicals? Other people have put themselves on the line to help us, what are the affects for them? So many different issues and questions and concerns.

This post is not that polished as it's being done via my mobile but I wanted to bring you all up speed.  More importantly I wanted to say a HUGE thank you for all the wonderful people here who have offered their support and kind words. Thank you to all the caring professionals who seem sincerely concerned about our welfare.  Thank you to my friends and sisters who love me and offer their support and want the best for me and ALL my children.

Thanks everyone!

Fear

Sometimes you find yourself in testing times. The thing is I have been finding myself in testing times for a good number of years, but recently I am feeling the intensity of the pressure more than ever. Any more and I am afraid the walls might come tumbling down around me!



 The situation with our home is unbearable and at times I think almost comical. A multimillion pound bank is taking me court to repossess my home over a sum of £1, 600.00? Seriously? OK, I will do what I can, and I was hoping that what I was doing would be enough for the court hearing to be called called off, but unfortunately what I am doing is not good enough and I will have to face the court on Monday.

Also, if I was not so angry I would laugh at the ludicrousy that my ex husband is not accepting any parental responsibility to ensure his children's safety. What is more, you would expect that legally they would pursue that avenue more,  especially since he earns a very good living as a senior teacher in secondary education. Is that not funny? He is a teacher, and he has no empathy for his own children?! I am not asking for him to "take care of us" but I am saying, I am willing to do my part, and he should do his part, so together we can care for our children.



I also think it is sadly amusing that as a university educated woman, I am unemployed and on state benefits because I wanted to be the best mother I could be and for me that meant staying at home. So after a long period of being that say home mom, when my husband and I separated and our youngest child was only just 3 years old, I continued to stay at home until she was in full time education. When she was, the troubles with our son was in full swing so getting back into the work force was out of the question. So here I am, an intelligent woman who is finding the modern world of employment daunting and also quite difficult to penetrate. Consequently, I am still on benefits.

Is this the life I imagined? Surely not! Is this the life I want for the future? Absolutely not! Can I change it? I hope so and I will try.....one problem at a time.



This is why I feel the pressure is getting unbearable. There are too many serious issues that need my attention, now, right now! There is no waiting for, "one problem at a time".

I am scared. I am scared of court. I am scared we might loose our home. I am scared about seeing my ex husband glare at me and try to belittle me in front of the judge. I am scared that they won't care what I have to say. I am scared that my son is non pulsed by my impending court date, but then I should not expect a rational reaction from him. I am scared that my son has not taken my letter seriously and insists that it is all b.s. and that he is not going to rehab nor is he moving out. I am scared that I have put a time frame in the letter and if I do not stick to my guns, he will never ever take my words seriously. I am scared my son will never want to go into recovery. I am scared that my son and I will never be able to repair our once special relationship. I am scared that he is being abusive to me and I have an abusive and controlling "man" in my life after trying to escape from one. I am scared that my daughters are being subjected to all of these fears, worries, stress and abuse and they may not be able to deal with it. How do they cope? What is there outlet? I am scared things will get worse and not better. I have never been so scared and I don't know what to do about it!



Now I have something more to be scared about.......

While writing all hell broke loose in my house once again .....this time I said inside, "enough is enough"! I am not the "horrible woman" my son says I am and his sisters and I are not f****** c****. You can not be verbally threatening and abusive and throw water on us and what ever else is to hand. I will not let you treat us like this because you are unwell and unhappy!



I phoned the police and he has been taking to the police station to be arrested and I hope that he will have a chance to examine why this happened, what it is like to be arrested, and see that his actions DO have consequences! What will happen next? I do not know. I hope I have not made things worse, but this is one of the problems that needed dealing with...and I did.

"My son, no matter what has happened to cause you pain and suffering, you will not be able to heal yourself if you subject others to pain and suffering. I love you, but I will not allow you to hurt your sisters and disrespect me any more."