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Friday, 20 September 2013

Back to "Normal"

What happens when an addict is running out of drugs? They panic of course. What that panic turns into is abusive behaviour towards others who will not "help"him get more drugs. Obsessing about how they will get what they need, trying to convince others that that is what is best for them, that they will suffer without it and if they go without it is ultimately your fault because you refused to help, you let them down.

Pleading and shouting, wanting money. It is just like the the old slogan goes, "beg, steal or borrow", because the focus of every minute of their day or night revolves around how they will get their drug. They can not stand the thought that they will not get any more. They become very irritable and unpredictable.

Last night my positive attitude was put to rest because my son awoke and was very moody all evening because he wanted to "borrow" £50 to buy some benzodiazepine powders. The answer of course was no and that eventually opened the floodgates of abusive and vulgar language onto me. Words that begin with letters like "f", "b", "c", "p" and so on, I will let your imagines go with it.

My son once again burst into my room after I had gone to bed to demand that I give him money and when I said no, he wanted me to explain why! I wanted to keep things short and just said I do not need to explain, the answer is "NO". He demanded to know how giving up drugs would benefit him. When I said that it will ultimately result in a better life for him, he was furious, insisting that I am the only benefiting from "all of this".

My son has no internet at the moment, no money and very little drugs left. He does not know that my bank card has been cancelled and if he does access the internet (by taking my phone, for example) he will be very unpleasantly surprised that the order will not go through! So I think some very difficult days are coming.

Give me strength! Give us strength!