Today I will not write my usual blog post, I will be happy and positive and write briefly on the fact that I deserve to have a life and therefore I will start to live my life.
What is prompting this post is that this evening I am going to a party! I am sad to admit this, but I am always 100% honest in my writing, is that this is the first real party I have been invited to since I met my ex husband! Sad, isn't it? Oh there was the one time we were invited to my new friends when we were new to our current neighbourhood, for a little pre Christmas get together...but it was not a "party". My then husband did not enjoy himself because, as he opening admitted to me, there was not enough drinking and too much mindful chatting! We were never invited to anything like that by those "friends" of mine again. There was the three weddings we attended, on 2 of the 3 occasions I was left to my own devices while my husband drank far too much (and at one of them we were humiliated as he was fumbling and falling all over the place and we had to pour him into a taxi to collect our 2 year old son and go home). One of the three weddings was in Ireland, and I was taken back to the house where we were staying , just me and the children, while my husband drank the entire night away. Another wedding was in the States and it was a very pleasant affair, which came to an end at 11 pm and my husband was greatly annoyed, so we went back to the hotel, I put the children to bed while my husband went down to the hotel bar to continue in his private merriment!
There were the odd family get together at my then in-laws house. Again that usually involved copious amounts of alcohol, or if my husband was driving and could not drink, then he sat miserably and silently while I had to make endless idle chit chat!
We rarely had anyone at our house and ironically soon after my husband and I split and I finally started to meet a few people, I could not have people around, but this was now due to my son's drug taking and unpredictable behaviour, just as much as the insecurity and unease I would feel with people in the house with "him" there and also possibly seeing something they shouldn't!
So I tell you this not to be negative, but so you have a frame of reference and understand that for nearly 20 years I have had a very limited and personally unsatisfying social life, if you can call it a social life! Now that my son is not living at home I can start thinking of developing a social life again.
Tonight a member of my support group is having a party and she has invited her circle of friends, but was also kind enough to invite the group. So therefore, I am invited to a party, with a few people I will know and many more that I will not. There will be a DJ and food and drink. The intention is to let our hair down and forget life for a few hours. So that is what I will do. I will actually put on some glad rags and go out and mingle with people who will see me as a "normal" person. Not an addict's mother. Not the woman who provoked a huge investigation after handing in dangerous chemicals. Not the emotionally abusive man's wife. Not the woman with financial difficulties, dysfunctional relationships or a single mom with troubled children battling it all on her own. For once I will be just "Susan", I will be funny and charming and attractive, I will be the me I like to be! No one will tell me I can't. No one will tell me when to go home or to look after the kids or to take all the abusive phone calls and no one will make me feel guilty for it either!
Life goes on and as far as my children are concerned, I tell you what....I will be giving them a far greater message in being myself and being true to me than letting others control me!
Time to dust off the high heels and little black dress and let my hair down!!
I wish you all a good Saturday and do not forget that no matter how much you and your loved ones are struggling with whatever issues they may be, you are still you, you are still a person; take care of yourself and let a little of you shine through today.
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